Who Has the Power in a D/s or M/s Dynamic?

The first time i saw this question posted, my immediate response was “duh, the Dominant/Master has the power.” Then i read the comments below and was shocked and confused by what i was reading. i would say about 75% of the responses said the submissive has all the power, 15% saying the power is equal and about 10% saying the Dominant has all the power. This question has popped up on sites way more times than i would ever have thought since then and it always seems to be the same for responses.

So why is there so much confusion in this question? Why does 75% of people who respond to this feel that the power in a dynamic is completely with the submissive?

i am sure that some of the confusion is that people are not paying attention to those three little words ‘in a dynamic’, bu i have a few theories outside of that to answer those questions. One being that people are talking about negotiations and limits that are created before the submission takes place. In which case, yes, the submissive has power there, because they have not submitted yet and are not yet in a dynamic with the Dominant. i would hope they would have power still, because they haven’t given over their power and not having power at this point would make it abuse. To somewhat quote a friend: Limits are a picture of the dynamic drawn by the Dominant and the submissive. The picture/dynamic is then coloured by the Dominant, however they wish. Limits are not power. A dynamic is called a power exchange for a reason. If you are a submissive and you feel that you have all of the power in the dynamic, than you should feel like you aren’t getting what you need, because a submissive person craves to give their power to a Dominant and trust that They will take care of you. If you like feeling like you have the power in the dynamic, than maybe you are not as submissive as you think? If You are a Dominant in a dynamic and You feel like the submissive has all the power, than maybe your submissive has not handed You the power that they should have when they submitted to you. If you don’t feel like You have the power in the dynamic than You should probably evaluate why You feel that way and figure out whether it is working for You.

The second theory i have is that people are looking at safe words being used in a dynamic. A safe word gives a submissive the power to end a scene whenever they want, which means that a submissive has all the power right? Wrong. A safe word is not a power word. It is a safe word, to be used when a submissive is unsafe mentally/physically or they have reached their limit mentally/physically in a scene. If a safe word is being used to have control over the Dominant or a scene, than it is time to look at communication and discipline, because the submissive is now topping from the bottom and not living up to their side of the power exchange.

The other comment i have read is that a submissive can end the power exchange at any point, which gives them all the power. Well the Dominant can also end the power exchange at any point. This means that their is no longer a dynamic and you are supposed to have your power back. It is no longer a case of anyone having the power in the dynamic, if there is no longer a dynamic.

Now, i agree that being submissive in a dynamic can feel very powerful, because as a submissive, we are getting exactly what we need in our dynamic. It is a very intense feeling to have that kind of connection with someone who you trust that much, but it is not the same thing as having power in the dynamic. Also, being really cute and adorable may get you something you really want now and then, but that is called being in a relationship with someone who loves you, not power in your dynamic.

Bottom line is that being in a (D/s, M/s) dynamic means that negotiations are done and a submissive has handed over their power to the Dominant. Giving the submissive what? No more power in the dynamic. If your Dominant tells you to do something, you do the thing. That is power, that is what a submissive craves. Yes Sir imma do the thing, because You said so and i need to feel like a good girl/boy.

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1 Comment

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  1. I usually try to read more posts before leaving any comments, but I stumbled upon this post and I can’t resist…
    Over the past few years I have noticed a developing “movement” among the dominant crowd in both M/f and F/m communities. I call this type of dominant, “reluctant,” because many of the philosophies they adhere to really seem like they don’t enjoy it like some other dominants do.
    There are a number of characteristics of the reluctant dominant that stand out to me. One is that they don’t seem to care if a sub reaches their submissive mental space. They feel like a sub should just obey and doesn’t care if the obedience feels good or not. Another is that they feel dominance is “getting their way,” and they don’t really want to have to do much to make that happen. e.g. they see rules, protocols, and punishments as a chore and feel the sub should be self-motivated enough to always behave without any threat of consequences. Third, is that the reluctant dominants tend to see dominance as a favor that caters to the sub. They don’t really seem to put a lot of value on submission or see it as a precious and intimate connection… they see it as the sub getting their way by being allowed to submit.
    There has been a large uptick in this style over the past ~2-3 years both with the influx of male dominants that have been dragged into the role by their significant others who fell in love with FSoG as well as the dramatic shift in the climate of the FLR community and newer female dominants that are “learning” through that channel.
    I would have to wager that at least a portion of those who voted for subs having more power come from this point of view. They seem to be growing in number.
    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

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