Marriage vs BDSM Dynamic

This isn’t going to be a long blog but more of a rambling of what is going on in my mind right so I apologize to those reading that are used to my scripted blogs. 🙂

I have been married to my submissive for going on three years.  We have only been in a dynamic for over 2 years.  Going back even further, we have been together for approximately 9 years.  We aren’t a normal couple by any means as we can’t stand being away from each other.  For the past 6 years we have had our retail business together which means we live, work, sleep and do everything together.

Some people have asked Me about my Dominance over her and then ask about our marriage and I have had a few people even ask “Which one is more important to you?”.  The answer to that question is now the basis of this blog.

A good marriage is one that is based on a common understanding of each other and mutual goals.  Then you throw love, commitment and all those things into it to finish it off.  It about two people finding each other, falling in love and deciding to intertwine two lives into one.

A good BDSM dynamic is one that is based on a high level of trust, commitment, dedication, respect and a common understanding of what each other want out of the dynamic.  Sure, you can throw in love and such but that doesn’t need to be in there.

Now, marriage to me is all about two people working together for common goals.  Two people with two separate minds that both have a level of control in the relationship.  This can include separate bank accounts, separate individual goals and other things that, although the two are married, divides them.  This division can grow and grow until at some point you realize that your common goals you once had are no longer the common goals that you want.  That you are now fighting over things that matter to you which didn’t matter to you at the beginning.  You start to have turf wars over things that you want to maintain control over or to take control over because the other person may not be controlling it properly.  The end result in most marriages is divorce, as proven by oodles of data over many, many years.  My theory is that two people that meet early on in life and do not continue to keep the initial connection going will end up down different lanes in the highway of life.

Now, as you can figure out, I was married to My submissive for a while before we entered into a BDSM dynamic.  The marriage was perfect and my wife was perfect.  Everything was completely amazing!  We had already been experimenting with elements of BDSM and she was pushing for wanting more.  I had always told her that she was to strong willed to offer submission to me.  We played with it for a long time but it wasn’t until shortly after our marriage that she finally felt ready and committed to moving ahead.

Well, the time came and we officially entered into a BDSM dynamic and surprisingly things changed and continue to change daily.  What I started to realize is that the connection we had when we were married was no where near the connection we have in our BDSM dynamic.  Rather then two married people being committed and sharing the control in the relationship, we are now in a situation where all the control has been handed off to Me.  That control means that we stay on a mutual path through life but it is a LOT more then that.

The overall care, happiness and livelihood of My wife is in my hands and if I fail to care for them then we fail in our dynamic.  With that statement is really where the magic happens and things start to blossom.  Every decision I make in life now is analyzed as to whether it will be mutually beneficial.  There is never a time when we go out of the house that I am not watching out for her every move and keeping her extra safe.  she is the most precious thing that I have owned and I want to make sure that I treat her as such and express my appreciation to her every moment of My life.  This is something that you can start to appreciate and understand when you get married but until you enter into a successful BDSM dynamic, you haven’t experienced anything yet.

So now the question comes up:  Do I hold our Dynamic at a higher level of importance then our Marriage?  The answer isn’t as simple as saying yes or no.  It is very much different.  The Dynamic has done more for us as a couple then the marriage has and it continues to grow.   The Dynamic will also be the thing that keeps us going on a mutual path through life as we accomplish our goals together.  But the marriage will always be the foundation at the root of everything.  The Dynamic can always potentially fail but we have the commitment of marriage to fall back on as a safety blanket.

4 Comments

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  1. Thank you for sharing, D! I enjoyed reading about the progression of your relationship with your wife & submissive. My husband and I are also one of those couples who can’t stand to be apart. We do pretty much everything together, except work, unfortunately. He is truly my best friend and my favorite person to spend time with. And, while I’m not sure I am ready to say which has done more for our relationship, I will say that D/s definitely enhances our marriage and makes it easier! Having one clear leader established has done wonders for us and D/s has revived our sex life. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • And that is really it, I can’t say which has done MORE for the relationship but I can say that the D/s has provided us a deeper and definitely more enhanced relationship. If we had entered into a D/s dynamic before the marriage then I am sure that I would have a different story to tell.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Haha.. I try! I wish I had more time for blogging. I have an extensive blog that I started about 3 months ago which I haven’t published on 50 shades of grey which I am sure will raise a few eye brows. Just limited on time.

      Liked by 1 person

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